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Post by Angel on Jun 8, 2006 16:54:45 GMT -5
That is one sinister looking dog
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Post by Carver on Jun 8, 2006 16:55:38 GMT -5
It's 'The Omen' but with fur.
Oh, Baxter, you're so evil. Like a miniture Satan, covered in fur.
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Post by Henry Elder on Jun 8, 2006 17:14:00 GMT -5
If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards? -Some guy off the internet
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Post by Angel on Jun 9, 2006 5:08:27 GMT -5
Naive? woah, that's a little disconcerting
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Post by Carver on Jun 10, 2006 5:33:51 GMT -5
Macho Men? 1996 Darwin Awards Winner Some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Frenchman Pierre Pumpille recently shunted a stationary car two feet by headbutting it. "Women thought I was a god," he explained from his hospital bed.
Deity or not, however, Pumpille is a veritable girl's blouse compared to Polish farmer Krystof Azninski, who staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho man by cutting off his own head in 1995. Azninski, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they strip naked and play some "men's games". Initially they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips, but then one man upped the ante by seizing a chainsaw and cutting off the end of his foot. Not to be outdone, Azninski grabbed the saw and, shouting "Watch this then," je swung at his own head and chopped it off.
"It's funny," said one companion, "when he was young he put on his sister's underwear. But he died like a man."
Mr. Happy's Vacuum 2000 Honorable Mention Confirmed True by Darwin (13 May 1998, New Jersey) There's apparently not much to do in Long Branch during the long May evenings. A 51-year-old man decided to satisfy his fantasy of robotic love by seeking sexual gratification with his vacuum cleaner. Most men would think twice before poking a valuable organ into a vacuum, but this optimistic fellow had no qualms about the safety of his intended course of action. And using a vacuum cleaner had the appealing aspect of tidying up his mess after satisfying him.
Our horny hero didn't realize that the suction on his hand-held Singer A-6 was created by a blade whirling just beneath the hose attachment, adjacent to the collection bag. His search for pleasure was cut short seconds after he stuck his penis into the vacuum and the blade lopped off part of his penis. With a sense of loss, he staggered to the phone and called police. He told them that he had been stabbed in his sleep. When police pointed out suspicious evidence, the victim claimed not to remember the incident.
Surgeons at Monmouth Medical Center stopped the bleeding, but were unable to reattach the 1/2" severed part. Though this man is still alive, his ability to reproduce has been curtailed by both his injury and his proclivity for household appliances.
Shark Petting Zoo 2001 Honorable Mention Confirmed True by Darwin
A ban on approaching dead whales is ill-advised, not because it saves the stupid, but because prohibits more cautious observers from closely observing the fascinating spectacle of a shark feeding frenzy. There's nothing dangerous about watching such a scene from a boat -- if you remember to keep your limbs away from the predators. (23 July 2001, Australia) The carcass of a dead whale attracted more than hungry sharks. Local boat operators took advantage of the macabre spectacle and ferried dozens of curious customers to the floating feast near Cape Jervis, 100 kilometers south of Adelaide.
As great white sharks ripped hunks of flesh from the gigantic dead mammal, spectators took leave of their senses and reached into the water to pet their snouts. Some even climbed onto the back of the floating meal, one carrying his child for a closer look at the feeding frenzy.
"These creatures are not toys," said Environment Minister Iain Evans. "I am shocked at [their] disrespect for their own safety." He added that the government would "look at changing the law in order to protect people too stupid to protect themselves."
People are already forbidden from approaching living whales. Authorities plan to extend the 100-meter exclusion zone to dead whales, to save the gawkers from themselves.
Marine officials say the southern right whale died from natural causes.
It amazes, AMAZES me how STUPID some people are.
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Post by Carver on Jun 10, 2006 5:56:14 GMT -5
Kung Fu Lion Historic Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed by Darwin
(Late 1989s, Australia) A rather impressionable student of kung fu listened with rapt attention when his instructor dramatically informed the class, "Now that you have reached this level in your training, you can kill wild animals with your bare hands!"
The martial arts trainee took the statement as gospel, and headed to the Melbourne zoo to test his mettle with the wildest animal of all: the lion. In the dead of night, he slipped into the zoo, leapt into the lion enclosure, and engaged a suitable king of the jungle in combat.
He would probably have lost a one-on-one fight, but he never got to try. His naive fight plan didn't account for the enthusiasm of the lion's pride for a tender intruder; nor did it give sufficient weight to the possibility that his instructor didn't know what the hell he was talking about.
Zoo employees found his remains -- two arms and hands -- the following morning, with shreds of red fur grasped tightly in his fingers.
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Post by Angel on Jun 10, 2006 5:59:30 GMT -5
I'm sorry but that sounds like total bullshit to me
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Post by Carver on Jun 10, 2006 6:02:40 GMT -5
May very well be, but some people are extremely stupid, and the Darwin Awards only accept submissions if the story can be proved, validated. The lion one is up to see if it's true or not, people claim to remember the newspaper report.
Mortal Insult 1992 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin
Rattler Got Your Tongue?
(1992, California) Snakes flick their forked tongues in the air to "smell" the world, collecting molecules and analyzing them by pressing thir tongue tips tips them into small olfactory pits. An inebriated twenty-year-old man, apparently unaware of this biological fact, took umbrage when a wild rattlesnake stuck out its tounge at him. Tit for tat! He held the rattler in front of his face and stuck his tongue out right back at it. The snake expressed its displeasure at this turn of events by biting the conveniently offered body part. The toxic venom swelled the man's face and throat, choking him to death.
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Post by Angel on Jun 10, 2006 13:53:11 GMT -5
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Post by Carver on Jun 10, 2006 15:32:50 GMT -5
I remember seeing that. Very funny, if a little long. Don't have sound, though.
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Post by Angel on Jun 10, 2006 15:50:50 GMT -5
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Post by Carver on Jun 11, 2006 12:36:10 GMT -5
Average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty.
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Luke Cage
Fresh Vampire Bait
I'm smiling on the inside
Posts: 29
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Post by Luke Cage on Jun 11, 2006 12:38:20 GMT -5
That's very nice
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Post by Henry Elder on Jun 16, 2006 8:48:01 GMT -5
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Post by Henry Elder on Jun 16, 2006 8:55:46 GMT -5
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